


Runaway

by fyrbyrd



Category: Transformers Generation One
Genre: Amnesia, Angst, Fear, Self-Harm
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-13
Updated: 2021-02-13
Packaged: 2021-03-12 20:28:54
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,123
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29390562
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fyrbyrd/pseuds/fyrbyrd
Summary: Believing he had done something unforgivable, Cliffjumper runs away
Comments: 2
Kudos: 6





	Runaway

**Author's Note:**

> Written 8 years ago and published on AFF. Cliffjumper is my favorite character ever.

The fight was getting intense. Autobots and Decepticons firing everywhere. As usual Cliffjumper wanting to be in the thick of the action, aimed for the flying Starscream. He took his shot, but the seeker moved out of the way of the shot which went soaring off into a cliff, where at the last moment he saw Mirage firing from the top of that same cliff.

"No!" he screamed as he watched his shot hit the cliff and explode, bringing down rubble and Mirage.

He stood there in shock as he watched his fellow Autobot fall. He heard the others cry out too and run towards the place he had come down.

Hound stopped next to him and turned him roughly, "You imbecile, what have you done?"

He was still in shock, as he watched them carry the limp form back to their base, completely unaware that the fighting had ended with the fall. They seemed very concerned with him, that he was in serious, possibly critical condition. Cliffjumper dropped his gun and followed.

Ratchet was there to work on him, "This is bad, his spark chamber is caved in. It's very weak."

The others were gathered around anxiously. Hound turned and saw Cliff there. "Get out!" he shouted, then went to push him from the room. "If he dies..."

Jazz got in the way, "I'll take care of it." He pushed Hound back gently and then pushed Cliffjumper from the room. "I think it's best you stay out of the way Cliff."

Cliffjumper obeyed and found somewhere to lean against the wall, still too numb from knowing that he was responsible for Mirage being in there. He had once accused Mirage of being a traitor, only to find he had been very wrong and they had made friends... What would the others think with what he had done now, he could never ever forgive himself if anything happened to Mirage, and he was pretty sure a lot of the others would think the same. Especially Hound.

Sometime later he was knocked from his thoughts hearing panic in the room. He couldn't stop himself from going to see what was happening.

At the doorway he heard Ratchet. "I've lost it, I've lost him!"

Cliffjumper was stunned to his core, he had killed Mirage. He had killed a fellow Autobot. He had killed someone he cared for... He turned and ran blindly from the base. 'Murderer, murderer, murderer,' echoing through his head.

He didn't see Bumblebee and Gears as he passed them, they didn't know what was happening, having only just got back to base. Bumblebee and Gears went to where the others were to learn of the incident. Everyone was in panic as Ratchet continued to work on bringing back Mirage's spark. They got caught up in the intensity of the moment, all caught up in the emergency. 

"Yes," cried out Ratchet as he finally managed to coax their injured friend back from the brink. "He's gonna make it now."

Everyone let out a collective sigh. 

"What happened?" asked Bumblebee.

"I'll tell you what happened, that idiot Cliffjumper's shot went wild and he hit the cliff that Mirage was on top of. I'm gonna beat the hell out of him when I get the chance."

"Cliffjumper?"

Hound turned away and Jazz approached, "He didn't mean it, I'm sure. I better go let him know Mirage is gonna make it."

"But we saw him running out of here," said Gears.

"Damn, I better see if I can find him," said Jazz transforming and heading out.

\---------------------------------------------------------

He returned after dark, alone. By then everything had just about gotten back to the usual routine. Though Mirage was still in ICU, and would be for quite some time. 

Bumblebee saw Jazz return. "Any sign?"

"No, nothing. I'm not sure why he ran off. He knew Hound was pissed with him, but he'd have taken a beating if he thought he deserved it. I don't know why he ran."

"Maybe he'll come back when he comes to terms with what he did," said Bumblebee, "In a couple of days."

But that did not happen.

\---------------------------------------------------------

Cliffjumper ran in robot form for as long as he could, his spark hurt from the pain of his deed. He had murdered, that was all he could think as he transformed to automode and continued to run, not caring where he was headed as he ventured further and further into the desert. He crashed many times, hurting himself, but not even registering that pain. He just got back up and went on and on, until finally he fell over into a ditch and couldn't force himself to get up again. It was dark, the stars were bright and clear, but he saw nothing as he lay there on his back, then darkness claimed him.

When finally his optics opened the sun was high in the sky. He managed to drag himself up and take note of all the dints and scratches. He was dirty and damaged, but he could still move. He thought he deserved it all as he got to his feet and began to head off again. He knew he could never go home again, and he was not sure what he really wanted to do. Maybe he should just go on until it all ended, that was what he deserved for what he had done. He had committed an unforgivable crime, he deserved the same, but at the moment he didn't know what to do, hanging his head in shame he moved off.

\-------------------------------------------------------------

Bumblebee stood outside the Ark looking off into the distance, he hardly noticed when Mirage came up beside him.

"You're here again," he said.

"Yeah, it's good to see you well again, Mirage."

The blue and white mech smiled, "I know he didn't mean it. I heard what the others have said, but I know that he was firing at Starscream at the time. I saw it."

"But where is he? Why did he run away?"

"I don't know, Bee."

"He's been gone so long. There's been no trace." Bumblebee sighed then turned back. "You coming?"

"No, I'd like to stay awhile."

Bumblebee nodded and went in leaving Mirage. 

A while later Hound came out, "Oh there you are, what are you doing out here, you should be resting."

"I've rested enough, Hound. Ratchet's given me the all clear."

"Still, at this hour you should be inside."

"What happened, Hound? What happened when Cliffjumper disappeared?"

"Nothing happened. I wanted to beat the hell out of him for what he did."

"Did you say something to him to make him run? He wouldn't have run because of that?"

"I don't know why. I was worrying about you when the slagger ran off."

"Do you hate him so much that you don't care what happened to him?."

"Yeah, I do."

Mirage was surprised at the way he said that. "He didn't mean to hurt me."

"He was responsible for you nearly dying, Ratchet lost you for a few minutes there, Mirage. Cliff's always been reckless, never thinking of anyone else. Look how he treated you as a traitor. He was a paranoid, unthinking bastard, and I don't miss him anymore."

Mirage was shocked at the vehemence. "But you were friends..."

"Not anymore!" interrupted Hound, "Not anymore," he said quieter as he turned back inside.

Mirage couldn't understand why he was so angry. He thought over Hound's words though. He had nearly died. He had nearly been killed by... 'Oh Primus, what if Cliffjumper had thought he had... No, that couldn't be the reason he had run, could it? ' He looked to the sky once more before turning back himself, his thoughts turning in his head.

He sought out others the next day as he tried to piece together what had happened the day he nearly died. He knew how Hound had stayed by his side, how he'd ordered Cliff out and away. He learned that Cliff was seen running by Bumblebee and Gears when they came in and learned what had happened to him, just as Ratchet was fighting to bring him back. He was sure now that Cliff had heard that and that was why he had run away. 

"Optimus," Mirage approached their leader. "I've been asking around. I think Cliffjumper ran because he thought he had killed me."

"I know," he said. "I figured the same when we went searching for him."

"Oh." Mirage was surprised to hear that Optimus had pieced it together but had not told him. 

"We found some tracks, some signs, but then nothing. No-one could sense his spark anywhere. He disappeared completely. Mirage, he didn't want to be found and he is probably dead, we must accept that. It's been more than a stella-cycle since he left us."

Mirage nodded, he had one other mech to see.

Hound didn't really seem that happy to see him. He knew he had been asking around about That day.

"Hound, I need to ask you something important." Hound nodded but didn't look at him. "Did you have feelings for me?"

Hound took a few minutes before he answered, "Yes, I do."

"Is that why you hated Cliffjumper?"

"Yes, but I knew you didn't feel the same about me."

"That is true, I'm sorry Hound. You knew I had feelings for Cliffjumper, didn't you?"

"Yes."

"You know I told him that. I told him that I cared for him more than just as a friend. He was surprised when I did and he told me that he had to think about it. So I agreed to let him have some time to think about it. That was shortly before... the accident, Hound."

"What!" Hound turned sharply.

"I told him that I loved him."

Hound was shaking, "Oh Primus. I'm sorry. I didn't know you two had gotten that far. I was jealous of him... I would not have wanted to hurt you Mirage, but when his stupidity... Oh what have I done?"

"Hound, you did nothing wrong. I'm sorry I cannot care for you as you wish. I was unaware of your feelings because I was connecting with Cliffjumper. I still love him, and I don't want to believe that he might be dead. He thought I was, that was why he ran, I'm not going to give up hope of finding him, I can't. Because I know now what his answer would have been."

"I'll give you any help that I can, believe me Mirage. I will."

"I know Hound, and thank you."

\-------------------------------------------------------------------------

"Optimus, there's a strange message on the human news networks about a gas thief that siphons gas and runs whenever he's seen."

"And what is so unusual about that?"

"The thief has a dirty dented red car that seems to drive by itself."

"Bumblebee what are you getting at."

"All the witnesses have seen is the car, there is no description of a human. All they've ever seen is the car driving off without a driver."

"The human could have ducked down as he drove off."

"Sir, the description of the car, it's--it's-- it's so close to..."

"Bumblebee, he's gone, let it be."

The minibot knew he couldn't push any further. But he knew a few others that would and he found them all in the same place.

"Mirage, Hound, Jazz, I gotta tell you something. I tried to tell Optimus, but he wouldn't listen to me."

"What are you on about?" asked Jazz.

"Maybe I should show you, come on, I'll show you on Teletraan."

The trio followed him confusedly, and watched when he called up the news story he had told Optimus Prime about.

"And you think that this is Cliffjumper," said Hound. "Yeah, sure." He stomped off thinking the minibot was insane.

But Mirage and Jazz stayed looking at the now empty screen. 

"I want to go and check it out," said Mirage.

"But he's been gone two stella-cycles now," said Jazz, "How could he survive that long/"

"Stealing gas maybe using that to re-energize?"

"That sounds foul to me," said Jazz.

"But not to me," said Mirage, "What would you do to survive on your own?"

"Optimus didn't believe me, but I want to go and at least check it out."

"He's on the other side of the country," said Jazz.

"Well I'm going, Mirage?"

"Of course. Jazz can you cover for us?"

"I suppose. But how will you get there?"

"I thought we could ask Skyfire."

They all nodded at that and moved to carry out their plan.

\---------------------------------------------------------------------

"I hate to point this out, Bumblebee, but if we are away too much longer we will have Optimus on our tails."

"I know, after tonight I suppose we'll have to give up." Mirage nodded and they settled down to monitor the police channels in the area the gas thief frequented.

Hours later their vigil was rewarded and they heard the police alert. "Beaten up car, no registration took off out of supermarket parking lot where cars had been siphoned, now trying to run into the hills."

They quickly consulted their form of GPS and found the area, speeding off towards it themselves.

There were at least seven police cars in pursuit, this time the car would have no chance to escape them. It's bald tires and battered chassis was proving to be against it. They had chased it into a dead end, there was no way out. Guns drawn and all lights on the car, the police moved in on the driver's side, but there was no-one in the car.

"Spread out, look for the driver, you get the keys," ordered the leader. But even as his man moved to get in the car began to move by itself, very slowly changing form into a robot. They pulled back and made ready to fire at it, but it fell on its side and was unable to get up.

It was then that Bumblebee and Mirage made themselves known to the police. 

"Please, don't hurt him, he's a transformer like us," begged Bumblebee as he too transformed.

"Yes, officers, we're sorry to bother you, but he really is one of us, he…had an accident as you can see, he's been missing for some time. I'm sure we can make things right."

While Mirage dealt with the authorities, Bumblebee approached his old friend, "Cliffjumper? Hey old buddy, are you okay?"

The badly damaged autobot tried to move away from him, acting as if he were terrified.  
"Cliff? Do you know who I am?" He tried again, but the only response was for him to cringe away.

Bumblebee stopped moving towards him, he was sure it was Cliffjumper under all the dirt and badly scratched and dented plates on his body. He could see the shredded tires, one of the back ones was now completely missing. He was in bad shape, he couldn't even recognize the signature of Cliff's spark. It was clear his old friend did not recognize him, was terrified of them. And he wondered just how he had managed to survive all this time. But it was very clear, that he was nearing the end of his strength. As he watched his fallen friend, and tried to figure out what to do, he realized that Mirage was coming up to him. Right then, the fallen one screamed.

"Ghosts, ghosts!" he screamed and tried to scramble back into the wall of rock he was cornered against, utterly terrified.

Mirage stopped in shock, "Oh Primus, Cliff. He thinks I'm a ghost."

Mirage pulled back seeing the complete terror he was afflicting. Bumblebee hastened back to him. "What are we going to do?"

"I--I called Skyfire, he's going to bring the others here. Bee. do what you can to keep him calm. I'd better stay out of the way. Something in there remembers me, he still thinks he killed me."

Bumblebee nodded quietly and moved forward again saying soothing things to calm their terrified friend who was clearly no longer in control of his mind.

\------------------------------------------------------------------------

The authorities had been able to kept the press away, An hour later Optimus and several others arrived.

Once again the fallen autobot screamed when Optimus approached, clearly terrified of the huge robot coming towards him. He pulled back, "Ratchet, he's going to have to be knocked out and restrained so we can get him home."

"Sure Optimus, I brought some along when I heard what Mirage described."

Optimus nodded and joined the others while Ratchet moved forward, again Cliffjumper screamed as he saw the white autobot approach. Ratchet pulled Bumblebee back so they could figure out a way to calm Cliff down and hit him with a knock out shot.

Then Bumblebee returned to distract him as Ratchet got into position and fired. The shot had Cliffjumper trying unsuccessfully to rise, but it hit him. He screamed and screamed clutching at the spot before finally succumbing to it and falling silent.

They rushed in putting restraints around him just in case the shot did not work properly. Ratchet gave him a quick going over before they moved to get him to Starfire for the trip home.

"He's is really bad shape, Optimus, that gasoline in his system has clogged up all his lines, he's got cracks everywhere and his spark...I think his spark is damaged, it doesn't really register as him, I don't understand it. We've got to get him back, but I fear he might have to go into stasis if his mind is too far gone as I fear it has."

"Do what you can," said Optimus, then he turned his sights on Bumblebee and Mirage. "You disobeyed my orders and came here."

"I know Optimus, but I was pretty sure--and I was right, wasn't I?" defended Bumblebee.

"True, but there will be consequences. Mirage?"

The other mech raised his head, "I'm sorry. He thought I was a ghost. Um, sorry Prime, but I had to go along with Bumblebee. Cliffjumper was...is..."

"All right, I understand, let's get home and see what we can do."

\-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Cliffjumper remained heavily sedated in med-bay. Ratchet had worked for ages repairing the damaged body, but his mind and the state of his spark were what worried Ratchet the most. He and Wheeljack had had to replace a lot of parts severely damaged by the gasoline he had used to fuel himself. He wondered if the lack of energon had affected him. Sure gasoline was energy, but it had to be converted to become energon. And it seemed that was what Cliffjumper had been fuelling on all the time he was missing well over two stella-cycles ago.

Ratchet walked out of the med-bay to see Mirage sitting outside, He had never tried to enter, not being able to forget how he had terrified Cliff when they had found him.

"You know he won't register that you're there, Mirage," he said sitting down beside him.

"I know, but I can't get those screams out of my head."

"Hound told me about you two. I'm sorry it worked out this way."

Mirage merely nodded without raising his head. He was sure most of the base knew how he had felt about Cliffjumper after questioning why he had gone along with Bumblebee. "Is there any hope, Ratchet?"

"I don't know yet. You know our sparks are the most important part of us, and why his is not registering as him, is because he has lost his memories. I think his mind was damaged when he thought you were dead and he thought he was responsible, his memory chips failed. I guess he loved you too much to lose you."

"But hope, Ratchet? Is there any way to get him back, because I feel like I've lost him as much as he thought he lost me."

"There is always hope, Mirage. I haven't given up yet."

Ratchet got up and went back into the med-bay, but still Mirage could not make himself follow.

\-----------------------------------------------------------------

Weeks later,,,

Ratchet came out of med-bay and found Mirage where he usually was if not on a mission, sitting outside. "He's come out, but I will keep him sedated until I can assess his mental health. Do you want to see him?"

"No, not yet, I don't want to scare him until you know he can handle it."

"All right," said Ratchet as he went back in.

\---------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Ratchet gently reduced the sedation he had Cliff under, but the red minibot soon began showing signs of fear and nightmares. Ratchet was at a loss as to what to do next, he told Mirage this. He was beginning to think the best thing for Cliff was to put him in permanent stasis.

This frightened Mirage, especially when Ratchet decided to bring that option up with Prime. Mirage worried that he might lose the only one he had allowed himself to become close to, maybe it was time to take some drastic action.

He waited until Ratchet was not in med-bay before he entered and moved to the isolated berth Cliff was in. What he was about to do might cause more problems, but with the option hanging over his intended, he had to take the chance.

He could have made himself invisible, but he knew this was definitely not the time to do that. Instead he moved to the berth and stood so that Cliff could see him, he wanted to be seen and was ready for the expected result.

Cliff took a few minutes to focus and then he began screaming. Mirage grabbed him by the shoulders and held him down. "Cliffjumper, it's me. I'm not dead. I'm not a ghost, Look at me please, baby. Look at me, I am real and I'm right here with you, I'll never leave you, Please baby, look at me, I'm here, I'm here!"

Ratchet and several others had rushed into the room. When Prowl went to pull Mirage away, Ratchet stopped him as Cliffjumper's cries were beginning to die down.

"Ssh love. I'm here. Never going to leave you again, never let you go," Mirage kept repeating his hold not so tight anymore.

Cliff lay there shaking and sobbing, but quiet now. Mirage removed his hands and rubbed Cliff's arms before cupping his face. "See love, it's really me, I'm no ghost, I'm standing here in front of you. I'm not dead. I didn't die, love. You didn't kill me." He lowered his head to kiss Cliff's forehead.

There was a very strained "'raj."

Mirage looked down at him and smiled," Yes love, it's me."

Behind them Ratchet pushed everyone else out, giving a quick smile to Mirage as he followed them out.

"Oh Cliff love, I'm so glad you came back to me. I couldn't bear to lose you a second time."

"'Raj." Cliffjumper tried to lift a hand. Mirage helped him and allowed him to touch his own face.  
"Love you 'Jumper. We've both suffered with thinking the other was dead. Not going to let you go again,"

Cliffjumper was blinking tears, but he could not manage any other words.

Ratchet came in quietly."Good to see you back with us, Cliff. But I think you should rest now. I also need to speak with Mirage, okay? You rest now." He nodded to Mirage who gently lay Cliff's hand on the berth, I'll be back love."

Cliff's optics closed and only then did Mirage follow Ratchet away.

"I'm not going to lie to you Mirage, but I don't think Cliff will ever be the same again. He can't be allowed to fight for a long time, if ever," 

"I will be there for him no matter what. If you want to put him in stasis then I will be joining him."  
Ratchet saw the serious face on Mirage, "You're serious aren't you?"

"Yes I am. Cliff is it for me. He is my mate. We may not have had the best of relationships to begin with, but I know this is it."

"I know, you had best speak to Prime you know we still need you to do missions. You can't be with Cliff all the time and he has a long road ahead,"

"A road I will journey with him, I'm sure things can be worked out, but I do nothing without him. I will go and see Prime and tell him my intentions."

Ratchet nodded, they both looked to where Cliff lay, he had gone into recharge, Ratchet touched the other's shoulder, "He's lucky to have you."

"No, I'm the lucky one."

\------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Cliffjumper was just a shadow of the loud mouthed brash warrior he used to be. He remained on an energon drip for a long time, he basically had starved while trying to use gasoline as fuel, his tanks had had to be flushed and near all the lines connected to it replaced. Ratchet found some of his memory chips had indeed been fragged and they were replaced, though none of the data could be retrieved, perhaps that was for the best, he would have no memory of his time away from them. Still it might have helped to know what he had to do to survive besides stealing the gasoline. There was a long period in between.

Cliff slowly allowed others to approach him, but at first Mirage had to be with him. He clung to the Towers mech and Mirage was equally reluctant to leave him. He had finally gotten Cliff to acknowledge there partner status, even though Cliff still did not speak much. 'Raj, yes, no, thank you, being about it. Everyone had been briefed that any memories of his time away were gone and no one was to ask. He had been through enough.

On the rare occasions that Mirage had to go on duty, Ratchet at first sedated Cliff. But then Bumblebee had offered to watch Cliff who had agreed to that, though the whole time he remained anxious for Mirage's return, being late would bring a panic attack. Doing therapy was one way to get his mind off his mate. Just getting up was slow and transforming was still too hard. Ratchet figured Cliff had remained in his auto mode in his lost time. Prime agreed as there had been no giant rogue robots stories in the news, and they would have found Cliff a lot earlier.

Finally Cliff had a visitor he had not seen in a long while. Mirage was away and he was in Ratchet's care when Hound came in. Cliff had no idea that Hound had come to hate him. He had tried to console Mirage, but he had remained steadfastly loyal to Cliff. Hound had believed like others that Cliff was dead and he didn't want to care. This would be the first time he would see his rival and it shocked him to see the complete change in the red minibot. He was so timid and quiet, the quietness had shocked many of the others too. But Hound could not believe it, if Cliff were so different why did Mirage still care?

Ratchet remained while Hound visited. He knew about Hound's infatuation with Mirage and that he could never reciprocate.

However, he did not have to worry, Cliff warmed up to all his friends in a child-like way. Hound like the others could not help liking him again. All mechs feared losing their memory and here was one that had, his former rival. Cliffjumper had developed an infectious smile once he got over the initial fear, it was hard not to like that. And then Mirage walked in and that smile lit up the room.

Mirage had paused seeing Cliff's visitor, but Hound nodded and told Cliff it was time for him to leave. 

Later Mirage sought out Hound in the rec room, Cliff was recharging, he slept more now the dreams had faded, Ratchet was thinking of releasing him soon.

"Hound," greeted Mirage as he sat at the other's table.

"Mirage."

"Cliff seemed pleased to see you."

"He's like a child now, how can you..."

"Still love him? Easy. He is the same mech I fell in love with, Did you know he was playful, always was. You should have seen him after he discovered the truth from calling me a traitor. We literally rolled around on the floor together."

"I didn't know that."

"Thankfully only Ratchet was there to witness it. Look, Cliff is never going to be the same, Hound. He won't be able to fight for a long time, they even say he might never be allowed to. He'll be moving in with me when Ratchet releases him And when he's ready we'll bond."

Hound was looking at his cube,

"I'm sorry," said Mirage.

"No, it's okay. I got it a while ago when you said you would never give up on him. You stayed true to him all that time and I knew I didn't have a chance. Anyway, someone else has expressed interest in me."

Mirage brightened, "Really? That is wonderful."

"Thanks... Friends?"

"Primus I hope so. Hound, can I ask one more thing?"

"Sure."

"It won't be easy...but Cliff needs everyone to help him. He gets anxious if I'm out working, needs reassurance from his friends. Can you be a friend to him again?"

Hound looked up to see the worried expression on Mirage's face.

"He lit up like a human Christmas tree when you came into the room, Mirage, who can deny that level of love. You're right, he is different, everything's different. He is one of us and what happened was unfortunate. I suppose I need to repay him for some of the cruel treatment I gave him back then. He wouldn't understand if I asked him for forgiveness now,"

"No he doesn't remember why he ran away, He barely understands that he was missing for so long."

"Do you forgive me, Mirage?"

Mirage laid a hand on his friends shoulder, "Anything my friend."

Hound smiled then, the air cleared between them,

\-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Cliff was overjoyed to finally get released from the med-bay and moving in with Mirage was the best part of it. The very thought of being cuddled up with the Towers mech excited him. He kind of understood what Mirage had described about bonding, but it as scary as a lot of other things he had once taken for granted.

As for Mirage, he knew that everything would have to be taken in baby steps and he was prepared for that. But to lay in their berth together with his little love, cuddled up blissfully in his arms, what really could be better than that.

the end


End file.
